Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts

Monday, January 28, 2008

letting go.

So let go, jump in
Oh well, whatcha waiting for
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
So let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here
It's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

So it’s been awhile since I’ve written in this journal… and yet, I can’t believe that it’s only been 3 weeks since I’ve been here. I feel like so much has happened, I’ve accomplished so much, and that I’ve definitely been here longer than it actually has been.

So much has happened and I don’t know even know where to begin! So let me break it down.

Placement:

I’ve finally settled down in my role as a youth integration worker at the Boys and Girls clubs association of Hong Kong in Sheung Wan. It took a few days, actually it took up until a few days ago where I really began to understand my role, and made connections beyond the superficial layer with my fellow coworkers, whom, by the way, many which are younger than I am! Which personally, I find kind of hilarious!
I’ve begun program planning for a group that I will be facilitating that is for new immigrants from Mainland China, the purpose being to 1. Improve their English Skills, and 2. To improve their self-esteem. It’s pretty interesting, and I’m kind of nervous to start the group, because there are just so many ways this group can go! However, with that said, there are a lot of things that I’m not really used to within the agency either. For example, all of the kids greet me with “Tim Sir” and I need to call all the kids by there Chinese names (which is proving to be quite difficult with my terrible short term memory highlighted evermore).
Another example of things that I’m not very used to here in Hong Kong is that in comparison to Canada, it seems as if though that there is not a very strict child welfare policy to follow or obligation for the duty to report for any professionals. Furthermore, as a social worker within a family oriented agency, a policy that is related to that sort of thing is rather important to me. And I haven’t been made aware of anything to that regard, other than the fact that if I suspect a case of abuse, to simply to talk to the supervisor, and if needed, only then a report to the police will be made. It seems as if though that child abuse here is simply treated as a criminal offense, and the idea of prevention is here, but not really. I can’t really explain myself coherently. I guess just being used to the child welfare policies and the duty to report that is in place in Canada, there are so many things here in Hong Kong that I am really not accustomed to, with regard to how children are treated by families and social workers alike. For example, there are several four year olds that come and go to the centre as they please, without adequate supervision, and the social workers within the centre happily wave goodbye as they go down the elevators from the eleventh floor, to walk home on their own in the busy area of Sheung Wan, which is located right beside Central, one of the busiest Business districts in Hong Kong. For me, the first thoughts that come to mind are things like “abduction” and “traffic” and things of the sort. But worries like that are a rarity here, as the familial and community aspect is more prevalent within those that live here in HK. However, something that struck me as really weird was that I was told about a child here in HK that got access to beer, in the park, through his 7 year old brother (mind you he is 4 years old himself), and drank some, got drunk, and hit his head on the park bench, proceeding bleed from the forehead. To me, that is something of grave concern and wouldn’t be surprised if an apprehension would be called into play. But nothing has been done about this.
All in all, it’s about the culture, and about my ability to reflect and be reflexive about my identity and how I know what I know. Yeah, yeah, sounds rather nerdy of me to bring in all this ontological and epistemological ‘stuff’, but to be honest… it makes sense! If I’m going to be serving the people here in Hong Kong, I must take into consideration my level of cultural competency and such before I make hasty decisions and impose my own western cultural beliefs.


Settling into HK life

It’s been rather weird with another person in the room all the time, and it has been difficult getting just a single moment to myself. I may be quite extroverted and love to be around people, but there are just times when I want to be able to think aloud without someone cramming in their two cents. However, with that said, it isn’t as bad as I make it sound, but sometimes it just feels that way. I love living in HK and the busy lifestyle that so many people seem to lead, but I’m sure with time, that fast paced lifestyle is just going to catch up with me and I’m going to crash! Hopefully, it’ll work out itself and I’ll be able to enjoy life here to the fullest in the little time that I’m here. Things that I’m not accustomed to yet within HK culture: the fact that people wear parkas and it’s 15 degrees Celsius, that you can get a full meal with a drink and soup for under 4 dollars Canadian, that everything is DIRT CHEAP!, and did I mention, STUFF HERE IS CHEAP.


Things that I miss:
I miss home, and the people. It’s different not being a hop, skip, and a jump away, with my constant need to want to be in arms reach if people have issues. It’s been difficult to make new and good relationships as well, in terms of finding support from a solid group of friends. I’ve been missing out on that kind of “closeness” since I’ve arrived. But don’t get me wrong. It’s been really awesome to reconnect with some friends that moved here from Toronto, but something is not the same because of the sheer scarcity of it I guess. I’m going to be here for the next five months so I hope I meet more people and develop something more meaningful with them!!!! I’m sure I will. I know it takes time. I’m just impatient.


Fun Stuff:
I’ve been doing a lot of cool stuff. And you can look through that stuff on facebook! Enjoy! (if it cooperates that is.)

Anyways, miss you guys at home, will continue to update you on my practice here in HK!

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Monday, January 7, 2008

Day One from travelling to being in H to the K

So, I'm finally here! After quite the long flight (15 hours!) and it being as arduous as it was, i'm here, and i'm glad that i arrived.

Once at the airport, saying my goodbyes and such, it was a little bittersweet being excited to see what was to come, but at the same time, very sad to leave behind the people that i love and cherish behind in Toronto. However, I must be reminded, it is more of a "see ya later" as opposed to a goodbye forever kind of deal.





Even when in Toronto and looking around at the different people who are travelling to Hong Kong, it was kind of surreal to look and to see the different stereotypes that people carry of Chinese people, as a something that is real.

(and the nightmare begins? haha)

I guess thus far, i've been having bouts of anxiety, excitment, both rolled up in a ball, unsure of how i should feel. It's a little surreal to actually be here, then it gets exciting to think of all the things that I can be doing here. I guess with so many uncertainties like not having met my roomate yet, whether or not i can trust him, the stressors of having to complete my first proposal paper with so many extra pressures, not having met people from the university yet, and this is still the first or second day of my arrival. It already feels like i've been here TOO long, and that I should go home. hahaha. but nonetheless, i will persevere! because i know that there is much to do here, and this is very typical. especially with so many uncertainties.

i've already noticed a lot of awesome things about the chinese culture too... they're very busy. haha... their days start early in the morning (From when i arrived there were people scattered all over the streets, and i'm talking 6 am) and their rush hour is at 7 pm... so that's a very long work day if you ask me.

at 6 am on some small streets

in times square

anyhow, i'll be updating more later! i'm off for another day of exploration! :)

Monday, December 17, 2007

new beginnings

hey all, here i am.

still in toronto that is.

here, i'll be posting a journal a day (well, my goal at least) so you guys can be WITH me in Hong Kong as i begin to discover and explore a plethora of crazy things. who knows what's to come, who knows what will happen, who knows, who knows, who knows.

just thinking about going, and the anticipation in going makes my stomach churn just about a billion times over.

i'm really excited to go, but sad to leave. there's a lot to leave behind! my family, significant other, friends, familiarity, the feeling of being "comfortable", you know the like.

will i fit in? will i be able to trust my roomate? will i be able to work with the youth in Hong Kong in the same capacity with the experiences that i've had with youth in Canada? what kind of projects will i have? will i be able to conduct my research there efficiently? will i work well with my colleagues? what if i can't fit in? what if i don't have enough money?

that's just a few of the questions that are running through my mind.

anyhow, as more thoughts arise, as the day approaches, more posts will come, and when i'm in Hong Kong, look forward to daily posts with pictures!

please feel free to comment on my posts, give me new insight, humble me, bring me back to earth, keep me grounded, and encourage me.

thinking about going makes me miss toronto and everyone in toronto already!